Chapter Seventeen: But I love her


Chapter Seventeen: But I love her


I don’t know what really took over me but I had started to feel rage building up inside me.

Why didn't she tell me this before? Even Ruhani knows about it? 

I don’t know whether I was angry on that guy for leaving Tanya back then or was I mad at her because she didn't tell me that there had already been a guy in her life.

Oh Rehan, don't act stupid now. You should have guessed it before, for a girl like Tanya it isn't a biggie to have an ex.

My inner self had been scolding me for being so stupid all this long. Well love certainly makes you weak, isn't it?

It hadn't been a problem as there was no one in her life except me but now, her ex is back. Should I confess my feelings to Tanya?

My mind was getting flooded with a lot of thoughts. I don’t know why I was getting this weird feeling. I cared for  both Tanya and Ruhani. My thoughts regarding Ruhani were quite straight, she was my best friend and it was quite obvious to care about her, but for Tanya, there was something more than a friend, that I felt for her. I never had felt need to express that to her since we were together all the time. But now, I don't know why I had sudden urge to just go and tell her how I felt about her.

I was about to open the room's door and get back to Tanya to tell her how I felt for her but then I halted holding the door knob.

Should I wait for the right time?

All this long, I had been waiting for the right time and if I wait any more I might lose her.

What if she doesn't feel same for you? What if she still loves her ex?

I slept that night, but I kept thinking about it whole night. I didn't want to lose her. I have already lost everyone in life, even parents and I don't have anyone else to claim as my dear one except her and Ruhani.


Next morning while I was packing up my stuff for the day, Ruhani arrived in my room and closed door.

"I need to talk to you about last night." She said as she sat on the bed tugging me along to sit beside her.

"About what?"

"See, I think we need to help Tanya out with this. I know she's in trouble and I also know that she won't ask for our help."

"Okay, but I don't think there's any trouble if he doesn't bug her."

"Rehan, you won't get it. I think she still likes him else why would she still went to meet him. If he doesn't at all matter to her as she said?" she said holding my hand in hers.

"I think you are right somewhere. But honestly, I think we should better leave both alone, so that they can move on in their lives. That would be best for both." I glanced outside the window avoiding looking in her eyes.

"Well I don't think that would be appropriate. Think from a girl's point of view Rehan. Anyway, I'll do for her as I feel best for her. We will discuss this later." there was a frown on her face as she let my hand loose and walked out of the room.

Was I being selfish when I said 'let's leave them alone'?

Maybe yes, because I don't want Tanya to get back with him. I want her to be with me. I need to find out what is in Tanya's heart before everything gets worse.

People often used to say all random stuff regarding love, teenage and feelings. And I often used to cut them off saying that's all crap. But now I feel that wasn't crap at all.

I started to feel insecure and unstable right since I heard about Tanya's past. Ugh! I need to calm down.

That day went quite silent, as each one of us was lost in some other world. When we were back home it was the same silent and calm, as all our happiness was lost somewhere.

Tanya had left her phone on table. I noticed her phone blinked. I checked it to see ninety-seven missed calls and twenty texts from him. I opened the chat, there were nothing but sorry texts and pleads to get her back in his life. I quickly marked the chats as unread and placed the phone back as I saw her coming back.

What does that mean? Is she ignoring him? Why?

Just plainly ignoring him doesn't mean that she doesn't like him Rehan.

Why she is not telling us about it? Does that mean she still likes him?

No, that couldn't be. She might have thought of handling it herself as she usually does.


Ruhani was standing in the balcony, watching the setting sun into the sea waters. As I stood by her side, she kept glancing at sunset seemingly she didn't recognize my presence.

She appeared startled as I cleared my throat to make her recognize mine presence.

"I think you're right. She won't tell us even if she is in some trouble." I said.

"Yeah, she's adamant enough for that. I noticed her crying after dinner yesterday. I just sneaked in through minor gap through door as I saw her crying. She didn't notice me as she was standing in balcony facing the view."

"So what should we do now? I am pretty much clueless about it."

"I think we should talk to Abish about it. We need to know what's going in his mind."

"I feel that she doesn't like him and wants to move on. That's why she isn't sharing anything with us."

"I have mixed feelings on that Rehan, being a girl, I know we do sometimes hide our feelings as we aren't quite aware about them." She said, leaving me alone to watch the sun set.

When you love someone and you get to know that there's already someone in their lives before. It doesn't make you feel any better. It rather leaves you insecurity, depression and loneliness. Love is like chocolate, we never notice its real form because we always hide its bitterness behind sweetness of sugar.

When you truly love someone, you care about their happiness more than yours. Hence, I decided that I would help Ruhani if Tanya really still loves her ex. I know it wouldn't be easy for me, but I'll do it, for her happiness.

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