Chapter One: Deep in Thoughts


Chapter One: Deep in Thoughts

Life had never been so harsh on her. Tanya was a girl with a high self-esteem, a girl full of confidence as well as kind enough to be helpful. Certainly, she wasn't a feminist but was a girl with a practical mind set. She was a kind of person every other girl in town wanted to be like. She was someone who was adored and envied equally.

But now...

To see her suffer like this wasn't any easy for me. I pressed my eyes shut to on even thinking of what had happened to her. It was hard for me even to digest the fact that Tanya tried to kill herself. We have never ever imagined for something like this to happen. I didn’t know what and whom to blame, because I didn’t know why she did this to herself.  Why she took this extreme step in the first place? The possibilities of what could happen to her were so worse, that it made me think that it was better to die rather than to face it.

But of course, there has always been one problem with her and it was the only thing that I hated about her. Tanya has always been front runner to lend a helping hand. But when it came to her own self, the things were completely different; she kept it all to herself.  With thoughts plaguing my mind, I somewhere knew this habit of hiding problems was guilty of her present condition.

Two of the main Doctors rushed out of the room talking between themselves. I tried to eavesdrop on their discussion. They were about to start their last attempt to save her.

Last attempt? Were they declaring Tanya’s imminent death?

I sat there all frozen on the spot. My world suddenly tilted in its axis on watching the doctors still discussing the matter about the love of my life. My chest ached with pressure and tried my best to breathe normally.

But I couldn’t.

I just couldn't stand there and do nothing but only watch when two people clearly stating her death. This was too much and too sudden for me. I pushed myself and turned around to walk away from there. I heard Tina’s dad calling my name but I didn’t care. He had arrived in different car with others a few minutes later as I had rushed Tanya to hospital in my car without waiting for anyone else. The doors lift opened on reaching the ground floor, I just started walking, having no idea where was I going.

I walked outside the hospital, strolling on the pavement as slightly chilly weather tried its best efforts to sooth me. But my mind was still lingering over her beautiful smile and my heart was craving to see it again.

Will I ever see her smiling again?

At the corner of the lane, I found a temple, a small make-shift shrine built for the believing people. On a casual day, I would never visit any place of worship, but today it was something different. It felt as if some invisible force was pulling me towards it. The serenity of the surroundings calmed me down, soothing my senses. I sat down on the grass lawn beside the temple, trying to calm myself as my mind was raging with the wild thoughts. I was a kind of a person who didn't believe in god. But I used to respect people’s beliefs.

My inner thoughts were suddenly interrupted as my phone beeped. I flipped it open to see the caller name displayed ‘Ruhani’.  My insides suddenly started filling with a small shimmering ray of hope. She is the only person who might know why Tanya attempted a suicide.

"Hello", I answered the call in a low voice, placing the phone’s earpiece on my ear.

“Hey Rehan,” she said with a low strained voice, “How are you?” I could feel the sadness in her voice but I choose to ignore and continued with the conversation.

“How do you think am I?” I replied, my voice coming out as a whisper. I tried my level best not to break down on a phone call at least but, it felt like everything was out of my control.

"And…and Tanya?" she asked, after a long gap.  She sounded so worried. She first got the news about Tanya from Tanya’s Dad last night, when she had called to inform that she’s missed her flight.

"She is still in the operation theatre. Doctors are saying that they have to try one last time to save her." I replied as my voice was about to wear off. I was on the verge of tears but I controlled myself.

“Oh!” she said, her voice trailing off. Silence fell between us, but I was sure I heard a low sniffing sound from the other side.

"I will be there soon,” she then said, “I am taking the next flight. Keep me updated, alright?"

"Yeah, okay I'll do that;” I said and then added quickly, “Ruhani, we need to talk?"

"What?" She said, answering me back with a question.

"I just need to talk to you. Can we meet somewhere, before you visit her in the hospital?" I asked.

I just needed some clarifications and Ruhani seemed to be the right person who could make me aware with everything I didn’t know.

"Sure," she answered.

"Okay, I'll pick you at the airport. Bye." I said as I hung up on the call. I got up from the soft grass beneath rubbing my behind if anything sticking on it.

Ruhani was working as a software developer in a London based company. She was excited when first she got the news, but later, her happiness dissolved as she realized she’ll be alone. When she was offered the new job in London. I and Tanya was her dearest and certainly she didn’t want to leave us behind. But it was her dream job and a huge opportunity for her career. It took us time, but we finally convinced her to accept the offer in terms that we will be touch with her in regular basis.

She was coming to India after a long time just for our wedding. Tanya and I were so excited to see her again after so long. We both missed her badly during all the wedding events. She was expected before the events commenced but she missed her flight and was unable to find one soon. Yet she promised us that she’d be there for our wedding. But now instead of wedding she was here for checking on Tanya’s condition. She was our bestie, I needed her support badly.

It was almost sunrise now. I had spent whole night on the marine drive walking alongside the beach thinking about our good old days when we were still students. I sent a message for the others that I was going back home. They already seemed worried by the amounts of missed calls and messages I had on my phone. I had put my phone in silent as I wanted to spend some time alone as my mind was raging with wild thoughts. I didn’t want them to worry about me. I freshened up quickly and after a while I drove to airport to pick-up my best friend. She was on her way to Mumbai from Delhi as she had her connecting flight landing soon.

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