How To Train Your Wife - Satire


I know I am pretty late with a blog post this time, but I am trying to be more active in my writings. I along with that if you might have noticed, I also changed the commenting box so that anyone of you can comment with or without any IDs. Well people who don't have any accounts can also now leave their feedback on posts. So feel free to leave out your opinions and lets have a cool interaction.

While I was scrolling through my Facebook Feed a few weeks back, I found a very interesting article written by one of my close buddies. So I just messaged her to send the that article, so that I can let it out to much bigger audience.

Below I am now upload that article 'as it is' So feel free to drop down your comments, I am pretty sure you'll have a lot of things to be shared.

A/N: This was a draft written for an Eng. Comp class I had. Information cited on this page was accurate as of November 9, 2016. I do not endorse spousal physical/mental/emotional abuse. This satire was not written to make you buckle with laughter. I am satisfied with your level of forewarning. You may proceed. ;p

How to Train Your Wife

After many revisions post 1923, the 1982 Equal Rights Amendment declared that women are equivalent to men. However, thriving marriages cannot function while wives claim equal rights. Unsuccessful unions with balanced spousal power are conveyed by the increasing rate of divorce. There must be a leader, a head of the household, someone that takes the reigns in tough situations. Patriarchy must be restored.

In the past, a woman’s role in culture was fair, practical, and uncomplicated. Sensible explanations concluded husbands governed income and the house, so a wife’s place was simply attending it and the children. Ideology shifted in the twenty-first century. However, the same crucial, undeniable facts demand acknowledgement and acceptance. Females are physically inferior, which explains why 84.7% of men compose the military and 88% of the police force nationwide. Women are not as decisive as men, raising issues when affirming her family’s needs. As it stands, with the 20% wage gap, females (especially minorities) cannot financially support a family as well as their male counterpart. Perhaps the most compelling argument is that religions, such as Catholicism, Christianity, Islam, and Judaism all support patriarchy. Scripture in Ephesians proclaims that managing the household is a God-given right and duty bestowed upon a man.

Society injects women with atrocious notions that they can accomplish anything a man can. The majority of these encouraging snakes are executive women who have no idea what labor and commitment it takes to be a real, suitable leader! Absurd morals prompt feminists to rob traditional authority from men. Modern women are less compliant and reluctant to submit themselves to their partner. These beliefs must revert lest girls run the world. I guarantee things will return to the way they were before the 1980s–when laws first began restricting a husband’s power to maintain domestic order. After all, a woman should know what trains women faster. Control and tenacity are necessary components to paving the relationship. Repentance and repetition are the two r’s of any enduring union.

To establish a prosperous marriage, transition complete sovereignty to the husband. While cementing merited supremacy, control must be assertive and unrelenting. Any man that hopes to survive in today’s world must lay down laws. Women view vulnerability as a prime opportunity to challenge every verdict. I cannot stress the utmost importance of setting the bride into line as soon as possible. It behooves new grooms to enforce two fundamental laws: Address men with honor and humility. Subservience is non-negotiable.

If she struggles with rational, remain indefatigable and resort to physical measures. Do whatever is necessary. As women are progressively pig headed, I recommend grand intimidation tactics. For optimum effectiveness, encroach the wife’s space. Tower, point, scream, and shout. Let it all out. Females are biologically programmed to cower, so once she does, a strong male mustn't capitulate and coddle. Witnessing the weaker gender frightened may be afflicting, but women are mistresses of manipulation and may initially whimper as a ploy. That is why husbands must remain tenacious during discipline.

Repentance seems counter-productive since women always instigate drama. (Sometimes they just deserve harsh, intimate retribution for outright insolence.) However, females operate complex mind games. Thus, an intelligent husband can appreciate uttering "sorry"––accompanied by chocolates and flowers (whatever ensures her interest)––automatically coaxes forgiveness towards “cruel,” corrective measures. Modern women worship men who graciously admit (false) blame and will work to be better for their faithful lover. Perhaps these gestures will inspire her to concede; she'll realize she was wrong all along.

Zig Ziglar once said, "Repetition is the mother of learning, the father of action, which makes it the architect of accomplishment.” This is particularly the case for females. These techniques require frequent reinforcement. Drill proper commandments and mannerisms into her brain for a lasting foundation. If she cannot recite them in her sleep, all this invaluable training is in peril.
Be paranoid for her safety; install cameras to capture every room just in case someone dares to corrupt her studying. Limit contact with outside parties to reduce temptation. Exercise consistent comeuppance. In no time, a tamed and tempered wife will humbly serve at her rightful place. I urge adherence to these instructions, but intensify lessons until the woman is fit.
Order will resettle in homes. Wives will have wired household laws into their brain while regarding their man with flickering, wide, revering eyes. Freely confessing guilt for every flaw, they will dutifully volunteer for appropriate punishments. In this type of healthy environment, husbands can reflect on their resolute control, their unquestionable tenacity, their repenting wife, and subtle need for repetition.

About Author:

Hi, I’m Mel! As a full-time student and part-time guardian of aquatic life in the deep blue chlorine ((aka, professional people watcher aka lifeguard)), if not otherwise engaged, I'll be in my bedroom making no noise and pretending that I don't exist. ;P To close, I’ll leave you with my life-long credo: fries before guys. Now, I politely interrupt your leisure to report a hungry.  =^._.^=

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